People come and go from your orbit and vice versa. What determines the hour of their coming or going is a mystery – call it fate, call it cause and effect, call it the Tao, call it what you will but it remains a mystery. Sometimes they only exit for a moment, no longer than the flicker of an eyelid. Sometimes they exit for days, weeks and sometimes forever. Your part is to let go graciously when they do and welcome them likewise should they return. This requires being able to let go.
Letting go of people, is more about letting go of the attachment to the time you spent with them, to the moments you shared and to the relationship you’ve elected to have with those memories, as in the context in which you placed them, more than it is to the actual people themselves. In other words, letting go of someone is all about you rather than them, even though it appears the reverse when in the midst of the pain, which after all is only proportionate to your resistance to relinquishing your internal hold on the relationship you have with the memories.
Letting go rather than gripping on, is the way. All you can grip onto is the willingness to love more, always, never less, no matter how strained relations at the time. This requires softening and opening your heart centre, the region in the middle of your chest. But it must be real, rather than imagined. It’s a physical move. Once the chest is relaxed, love flows freely and naturally. You don’t have to do anything more than be aware of it happening and have the intention for it to be so.
Separation anxiety is the challenge here – separation anxiety is what prevents you letting go. Separation anxiety is a survival fear and originates deep in the lower belly. By relaxing the lower belly, the separation anxiety dissipates and the heart settles and relaxes.
Breathing freely and having the intention to let go is the mechanism that enables you to relax.
When in the state of resistance to letting go, the tendency is to hold or inhibit the breath to numb the pain in the chest and belly but this only exacerbates upper body tension and weakens the kidneys, which in turn increases the mind’s proclivity for grasping onto negative thoughts and stimulates the anxiety in the belly.
Try it now – consider the picture of your life, including all the people in it and breathe out with a long sigh, three times, releasing your attachment to the picture progressively more with each sigh.
Then picture yourself feeling immensely satisfied and at peace with yourself, your world and everyone in it – see yourself with your love flowing and feeling the love of others flowing freely to you – see yourself rich and abundant with all the good things of life – see yourself healthy, strong, vibrant and beautiful – see yourself feeling true joy, regardless of the actual details of the conditions required to facilitate that in real time. Breathe in deeply imagining yourself drawing the essence of those positive feelings deep into your being. Breathe out, saying, ‘let it be so,’ and repeat three times.
Then carry on as you were.
The Tao bringeth. The Tao taketh away. And the Tao bringeth again.
So relax – all is well and all will be well.
With love, Doc